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This page has some more random jokes, that hopefully the world will be thankful to me for publishing.
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A Microsoft Waiter
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[The waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . .00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . .50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00
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Doctor, Doctor!
Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil until I get there
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head.
Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar
I don't believe you!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!
Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me?
You have a broken finger!
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Wanna Buy A Frog?
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a
really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender
considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a
tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play
the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show
you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the
evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better
than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches,
cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into
another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the
rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and
offers him £100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies,
"he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000.00 cash up
front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the
offer, this time to £500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog
over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth
millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!" "Don't worry about it."
the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a
ventriloquist."
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